Don’t Bury Her in That! I May Need It!

Posted by on Oct 19, 2010 in Blog | 35 comments

Waste not, want not! Not one to let the hallmarks of life, such as the death of a dear friend, slow her down, Kora Hollinger, soon to be 106 years old, still appreciates opportunities to save a buck or two. After another friend’s funeral (you have to understand, once you eclipse 100 years of age, funerals are just as regular events as trips to the bathroom!), Kora asked the surviving relatives, who were going to donate the deceased’s clothing to charity, if she could just have all of those clothes. “She’s not gonna need them where she’s going, and besides, she was the same size as me.” That was over 20 years ago. Kora still wears some of those outfits. Be sure to go to You Tube and search for Ann Butenas. You will find a few fun videos featuring Kora there!

How to Add Five Years to Your Life

Posted by on Jan 30, 2010 in Blog | 8 comments

I was sitting in a reception area the other day, reading one of the hundreds of magazines scattered about the coffee table, and an article I read about health and fitness truly fascinated me.  Now, bear in mind, I am a fitness nut and have been exercising daily since I was 12 years of age.  This article gave insight as to how adding strength training/lifting weights to your exercise regimen can add as much as five years to your life.  With that in mind, since my grandma’s birthday is in a few weeks, do you think I should buy her a set of weights?  What do you think?  Another five years could be awesome!

What’s for Dinner?

Posted by on Jan 12, 2010 in Blog | 2 comments

Today was a pretty annoying day.  I don’t know if it is the weather making folks cranky, or if I am just over-worked.  Probably a combination of both.  I have a host of contract writing jobs for which I am responsible, which usually means I am penning thousands of words daily.  I had a dark encounter with someone today who critized my work and deemed it terrible.  He referred to me as an SOB, which I always thought to mean Super Outstanding Brunette.  He thinks otherwise.  Anyway, it seems I wrote something for him, sent it as an e-mail attachment, and he apparently only saw attached the original document from him that needed cleaning up.  He thought THAT was what I wrote!  He ripped it up one side and down the other.  In his terse e-mail, I thought he was speaking of my work, and I took great offense to that.  Turns out, he was commenting on his OWN words and did not even realize it!  Joke’s on him, and I am loving it!  I know if my grandma had anything to say about it, she would most likely comment, “To heck with him!  Now, what’s for dinner?”

A 105-Year-Old Woman’s Christmas Thoughts

Posted by on Jan 9, 2010 in Blog | 8 comments

It never ceases to amaze me.  While many folks in their 60s, 70s, and 80s begin to bemoan the inherent problems of old age, my 105-year-old grandma continues to look towards the future, with the zest and enthusiasm of someone 50 years her junior.  It is no wonder that she continues to thrive emotionally and physically!  She is always looking forward to something, and never looking back.

When we were together last week over Christmas, we began to reminiscence about certain past events, and her response to my question about how much she misses my grandfather who passed away 30 years ago surprised me, but not really, all things considered.

“Once they are gone, they are gone,” she jokingly quipped.  “You miss them briefly, but they are gone.  What can you do about it?”  She then scooped up a forkful of sweet potatoes and placed it in her mouth.

Not that she did not shed a well of tears when my grandpa passed away, but she knew the secret to her survival was to continue to move forward.  She did not want to wallow in the misery of being a widow.  She still desired a life of grand expectations and adventures!  After all, when Grandpa died, she was just a spring chicken of 75!

Before I could say another word, however, Grandma wryly noted, “I don’t need a man, you know.  When you have good food and good friends, who needs a man?”  Yes, Grandma always finds contentment no matter what she is doing.  She rarely lets a thing ruffle her feathers, and when things do get to her, she may temporarily bark and growl, but it is soon forgotten in anticipation of where she might be going to dinner that evening.

Stay tuned for more pearls of wisdom from an old bag who called me the day after Christmas and asked me, “When are you going to send your three boys (ages 11, 13, and 14) out to visit me?  I can take care of them pretty darn well for someone my age!”

Yes, Grandma, I am sure you can.  The question remains, however: Are the boys up to the challenge of you?


Posted by on Jan 9, 2010 in Blog | 0 comments

At age 46, I sometimes feel as if I am gearing up for the senior citizen lifestyle.  After all, there are some days when my mailbox is holding a “Come Visit Our New Senior Care Facility” invitation with my name in bold letters on the front.  I frequently ask myself just how 46 became the new 96, and I cannot figure it all out.

The reason for my confusion rests mainly in one woman, my grandmother.  At age 105, one could reasonably assume she is resting comfortably in a secluded nursing home, wheel-chair bound, and staring blankly at a fuzzy television set.  Amidst mental confusion, she might ask a nursing attendant if Truman won or if she could give the gal a dime to go get a loaf of bread.  However, this 105-year-old woman is here to show how 105 is the new 55!

My 105-year-old biker grandma!

Since my grandmother, Kora, turned 100 years of age, I have toyed with the idea of writing a book about her incredible life.  During my research over the past few years, it has become increasingly evident that she is unlike any other so-called “mature” individual.  I would like to highlight how ANYONE can act like a 105-year-old and look forward to an even richer life.

1.)  At your 100th birthday party, be sure to come out in a bathrobe in front of everyone and start to do a striptease.  Sexily sway your hips back and forth and slowly reveal your stunning 40-year-old bathing suit.  Let the act immediately stop there, grab a Margarita, and head for the nearest hot tub.

2.)  When you get your photo taken in honor of your 100th birthday, examine the proofs and tell the photographer that you think your face looks too wrinkled.  When the photographer assures you that he can airbrush those out for just $100.00 more, tell the photographer to just photograph you from a little further away for free.  Thus, the wrinkles are far less visible, and you have saved yourself $100.00!

3.) When you are 102 years of age and on vacation in Colorado, take a spin on a Harley.  When someone offers you assistance on getting on the hog, slap his hand and proclaim, “I can do this myself!”

4.) When you catch your 46-year-old granddaughter working on the computer, ask her about those Internet porn sites.  Then see how you respond when she says, “Gee, Grandma….looks like I have found your profile here!”

5.) When you are on a Caribbean cruise to celebrate yet ANOTHER birthday, grab your granddaughter’s new husband and take him up to the topless deck.  After all, you want to see if anything has changed from that standpoint since the early 1900s!

6.) When it is time to go out to dinner, head to the nearest buffet-style restaurant.  Rush immediately to the buffet to see if the food is anything to your liking.  Sample a few things here and there by simply reaching into the dishes with your hands.  After several samples and several long minutes, decide you would be better served if you headed across the street to McDonald’s, where the coffee is free for seniors!

7.)  When the nation elects a new President, get nervous, call your daughter-in-law, and lament relentlessly about how worried you are about your financial future.

8.) Ask your grandkids if you are in their wills!

9.)  Gross out the great-grandkids who reach into your purse for a mint and find two baggies side-by-side.  Tell them one bag holds your leftovers from that meal at McDonald’s and that the other baggie holds your stool sample for your doctor.  The mints will remain in your purse untouched from there on out.

10.) Decide that, at 105 years of age, you want to pack up and move….start over, as you are getting rather bored in your current location.

These are just a few handy reminders of how to act like a 105-year-old woman.  What will she do at 106?

105-Year-Old Lady Rocks You Tube

Posted by on Jan 9, 2010 in Blog | 215 comments

Before you read any further, take a look at the life of Kora Hollinger, the most incredible 105-year-old lady I know, by clicking on this link.  Then, continue to read my blog on her.  I promise you, it will not be boring!  Motivational gurus Wayne Dyer and Jack Canfield would be proud of her!

What We Can All Learn from a 105-Year-Old Bag…er, Lady!

Posted by on Jan 9, 2010 in Blog | 319 comments

Welcome to the wonderful blog about the incredible life of my 105-year-old grandma, Kora Hollinger!  This blog will entertain, delight, inspire, and quite possibly aggravate a few of you!  That is the point!  After all, you cannot live for 105 years and not annoy a few folks along the way.  However, most people will find true inspiration in the wit, wisdom, and life experiences of this rocking lady!  In some cases, you may want to grab a Kleenex.  In other cases, make sure you are wearing your Depends or have at least emptied your bladder before reading, as an abundance of laughter is guaranteed!